Children's Home Experience II

The Sacrifice of Motherhood…

Hey there! Well, it’s been almost three weeks since I’ve moved in… wow! It has flown by so quickly, too! Our parent search is still… searching, but we are making a bit of head way. We interviewed a new couple this week who were outstanding. The only “problem” is that they are not from a Church of Christ, which may cause trouble for us with some church members initially. Please continue to pray for this situation!
In the mean time, I have been learning more and more the sacrifice of being a mom…

Being a mom means sacrificing the ability to go to the bathroom whenever you want.
Being a mom means holding sick children in the middle of the night until they fall asleep.
Being a mom means saying no, even when your heart wishes to say yes.
Being a mom means saying yes, even if it is taking a risk.
Being a mom means getting up earlier and going to bed later.
Being a mom means giving less time to your physical appearance.

I have also been learning more about what it takes to be a parent and discovering what I had in me that I didn’t realize, as well as the weaknesses I have when it comes to parenting. I guess this is a good pre-requisite to my future life as a parent (God willing). The questions, “Where are you going? Why are you going? For how long are you planning on being gone?” fly out of my mouth without second thought.

Then, of course, there is the heartache of motherhood. This situation is unique; as I am the fifth “mother” these girls have had in the time they have lived at the Children’s Home. One of the teenage girls, Agnes, has really opened up to me about the history of the home. I have learned that some parents in the past have been extremely abusive, both physically as well as emotionally. As I hear her share, my heart breaks and burns with anger at the same time. Obviously, these parents have been removed and dealt with, but the scars (both physical & emotional) they have left behind will take years to heal. Carrie & I are already talking about some potential “anonymous” counselors we know of here in town who we can have come and be available to these children. We can only do so much as the administrators, the CRF people, and the wazungu (white people).

May I take a moment to explain some of the frustrations in running a Children’s Home in the third world? Thanks.  First of all, an orphanage is not a concept that jives with the Kenyan (or even African) cultural concepts of family. Orphans and widows are to be taken in by the extended family so that they stay within the same community; the same tribe and therefore do not cause conflict. A children’s home on the other hand, mixes people of all different tribes & backgrounds. The tribes here have innate personality differences, which can cause some problems in the raising of children. Another problem is that this culture does not foster trust in relationships. Rather, the general consensus is to trust no one. An orphanage requires a great amount of trust between all parties involved. In this situation, that includes children, parents, administrators/missionaries, CRF, and the supporters. Creating an environment that practices trust in relationships is quite difficult. Trust is crucial, not only in financial matters, but in creating a secure environment for the children to grow up in. But there again, creating a secure environment for children is a Western mentality. In the third world, there is no such thing as a secure environment. The unfortunate thing is that in a world that is full of rapidly dying people, places like Children’s homes are an inevitable solution to the problem. The economy is too weak to allow extended family members to continue taking in orphans and widows. Our home was the first orphanage in Kitale, 14 years ago. Since then, at least 10 more homes have been opened in this small area alone. All of them, like ours, house at least 40 children. It is sad to think about and deal with. It involves the sacrifice, not only of motherhood, but of several others to make it work. And in the end, because of children like Agnes, I believe it is truly worth it.

Love,
Alita