phenomenon

For some strange reason, I am not feeling overwhelmed with the thought of my future in Africa. I have no idea why; if you know me you know that I am prone to overwhelming moments of drama in my life from time to time! Perhaps I have finally realized that there really is no point to freaking out whenever life throws you an unexpected curve. Perhaps so many people have been praying for me that my mind & heart have been fully covered with the peace that surpasses all understanding. Perhaps I am completely naive to reality right now and the moment I step off the plane in Africa I will have a panic attack! (Don't worry team, I'm pretty sure this won't happen! *smile*) Deep down inside what I really think is going on is that the older one gets, the more they learn about how to handle life. While it still may be difficult to understand situations, you learn to cope better with every year you live. Trust me, I know I'm still very young, so I don't claim at ALL to have this all figured out, but it's just a little phenomenon I've noticed in my own life so far.

an entry in my journal

I had an awesome quiet time last night, which is really hard to do when you're out of town visiting friends. But yesterday was a wonderful day, between church & spending time with my special friend, Jenn. Here's what I had to say at the end of the day:
"I am experiencing so many emotions right now-- its so difficult to really put into words what I feel. [but I attempted...] I feel excited, anxious, nervous, hopeful, inadequate, joyful, uneasy, curious, frustrated, amazed, confused-- pretty much a whole array of feelings! I feel so thankful & humbled at the same time for this awesome, incredible opportunity. I feel nervous about how everything is going to turn out. I can't believe that all of this is actually happening. It's so incredible that this huge of a dream is coming through, but it is because this is a dream that I allowed God to plant in my heart. I am still shocked to call myself a "missionary." That sounds so strange! But at the same time, I am totally stoked because this is the result of opening my heart and my life up to the Lord & saying, "Not my will, but yours be done." This is an incredibly scary step to take in the Christian walk, but when you can wake up in the morning and know that you are in the center of God's will for your life, that's an extremely great feeling! (despite all the fear of the unknown & whatnot.)" After I wrote this, I just sat & waited for the Lord to speak into my heart. I felt him saying that there is no reason to be afraid of the unknown in Africa. He said, "I am in Africa just as much as I am here with you now. There is no need to be afraid of the unknown in Africa. You'll be fine, because you know me."