The Sacrifice of Motherhood…
Hey there! Well, it’s been almost three weeks since I’ve moved in… wow! It has flown by so quickly, too! Our parent search is still… searching, but we are making a bit of head way. We interviewed a new couple this week who were outstanding. The only “problem” is that they are not from a Church of Christ, which may cause trouble for us with some church members initially. Please continue to pray for this situation!
In the mean time, I have been learning more and more the sacrifice of being a mom…
Being a mom means sacrificing the ability to go to the bathroom whenever you want.
Being a mom means holding sick children in the middle of the night until they fall asleep.
Being a mom means saying no, even when your heart wishes to say yes.
Being a mom means saying yes, even if it is taking a risk.
Being a mom means getting up earlier and going to bed later.
Being a mom means giving less time to your physical appearance.
I have also been learning more about what it takes to be a parent and discovering what I had in me that I didn’t realize, as well as the weaknesses I have when it comes to parenting. I guess this is a good pre-requisite to my future life as a parent (God willing). The questions, “Where are you going? Why are you going? For how long are you planning on being gone?” fly out of my mouth without second thought.
Then, of course, there is the heartache of motherhood. This situation is unique; as I am the fifth “mother” these girls have had in the time they have lived at the Children’s Home. One of the teenage girls, Agnes, has really opened up to me about the history of the home. I have learned that some parents in the past have been extremely abusive, both physically as well as emotionally. As I hear her share, my heart breaks and burns with anger at the same time. Obviously, these parents have been removed and dealt with, but the scars (both physical & emotional) they have left behind will take years to heal. Carrie & I are already talking about some potential “anonymous” counselors we know of here in town who we can have come and be available to these children. We can only do so much as the administrators, the CRF people, and the wazungu (white people).
May I take a moment to explain some of the frustrations in running a Children’s Home in the third world? Thanks. First of all, an orphanage is not a concept that jives with the Kenyan (or even African) cultural concepts of family. Orphans and widows are to be taken in by the extended family so that they stay within the same community; the same tribe and therefore do not cause conflict. A children’s home on the other hand, mixes people of all different tribes & backgrounds. The tribes here have innate personality differences, which can cause some problems in the raising of children. Another problem is that this culture does not foster trust in relationships. Rather, the general consensus is to trust no one. An orphanage requires a great amount of trust between all parties involved. In this situation, that includes children, parents, administrators/missionaries, CRF, and the supporters. Creating an environment that practices trust in relationships is quite difficult. Trust is crucial, not only in financial matters, but in creating a secure environment for the children to grow up in. But there again, creating a secure environment for children is a Western mentality. In the third world, there is no such thing as a secure environment. The unfortunate thing is that in a world that is full of rapidly dying people, places like Children’s homes are an inevitable solution to the problem. The economy is too weak to allow extended family members to continue taking in orphans and widows. Our home was the first orphanage in Kitale, 14 years ago. Since then, at least 10 more homes have been opened in this small area alone. All of them, like ours, house at least 40 children. It is sad to think about and deal with. It involves the sacrifice, not only of motherhood, but of several others to make it work. And in the end, because of children like Agnes, I believe it is truly worth it.
Love,
Alita
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
Children's Home Experience I
The Heart of God
Well, the adventure has begun! Tonight is my second night at the Children’s Home. It’s Saturday. Most of the kids didn’t go to school today. School on Saturday is a normal thing in the Kenya school system, however it’s the end of a term, so things are winding down for them right now but they are wound up tighter than corkscrews! As I sit in the “silence” of my room, giggling, running, singing, screaming & shuffling flourish outside my door. Kids are kids; no matter what color their skin, or what country they live in! So far I think this job is not going to be that bad. It’s going to take a few days to feel like this is “home” instead of just work, like it has been for the last five months.
Elizabeth, one of our house staff and Agnus, one of the older girls, helped me clean my little “apartment” today, which was a much needed blessing. We threw away a bunch of junk that has been collecting in the small space since the first parents moved in, in 1992. (I think I am the fifth “parent” to live here since then!) They scrubbed & mopped for me as well, while I organized my things and the things I am in charge of as a parent. Greg came & picked me up around 2, so I could go home and take a shower, as there is no hot water available here. There is a hot water tank & a shower in my room, but the water heater is not functioning at the moment. We’ve put that on Kelly’s honey-do list for the home. (smile)
Now, on to what I was originally intending to write about… the children! They are so amusing to me—so precious, jovial, expressive, & beautiful. When I came back from my shower today I brought my laptop, so Agnus, Elizabeth & I proceeded to listen to my music and dance in my room. We got down with TobyMac, Paul Colman & Holding Out. Some of the younger girls joined us and I taught them the motions to Paul Colman’s song, “Run”. They caught on right away, as they LOVE to dance & sing. The Children’s Home choir is actually pretty talented… I’ve had dreams of taking them on the road, but that will have to wait for the moment. I think “Run” will be their next hit.
Living here is giving me a chance to see the true personalities of these children come out, and it is very interesting, especially to an analytical like myself. Agnus, for instance, I have noticed has a little problem with being bossy. I have already had to stick up for my choices about how to arrange my room, and ask her to not tell me what to do in the last twenty-four hours. If she is bossing me around, I can't imagine how she must treat the other girls, especially the younger ones. With the language barrier though, I can’t correct her behavior towards them directly because I never know what she is saying to them!
Three year old Amani is the youngest little tike at the home. He is absolutely adorable; all of the children love him, as well as the adults. He is sleeping in my room (on his own bed) and at about quarter to twelve last night I heard a thud and a short cry. In the 3 seconds it took me to get over to where he had landed on the floor, he was already asleep. Not much fazes this kid! Tonight he was holding a warm cup of chai, (Swahili for tea, so when you order a “chai tea latte” at Starbucks, you’re really ordering a tea tea… hehe!) standing near the front door and another child barreled around the corner and knocked his tea all over him. He cried for a minute, until he realized that he was ok, and then sat down and drank the rest of his tea in about 30 seconds. For a toddler, he sure LOVES his chai…but don’t worry he sleeps long & hard!
Then there’s Brenda. Brenda was brought to the Home by the police after her mother beat & severely burned her because she innocently asked her father one day why her other daddies brought her gifts and he didn’t. (Her mother, it turns out was selling herself to other men in the village behind her father’s back.) Brenda has a beautiful smile and an equally beautiful heart. She speaks English very well for her age (she’s about 9 or 10). She loves to sing and dance and make funny faces all the time. She is one of the girls who will just come up and stand close, which is more temptation than I can handle to wrap my arms around her & kiss the top of her head!
Before God called me to Kenya, I never in a million years would have guessed that I would work with an orphanage one day. Even after I got here, I would have never suspected that I would move in to the Home and live there for a while. What’s even more, I had never expected to feel such a passion for orphans, and supporting them in a better life like I have discovered here. In America, we are not forced to face orphans and widows like we are here in Africa. Being here has truly helped me discover the meaning of “pure & undefiled religion” (James 1:27). I am growing to understanding this verse better than ever before. As I grow closer to these children, I find myself closer to the heart of God.
Well, the adventure has begun! Tonight is my second night at the Children’s Home. It’s Saturday. Most of the kids didn’t go to school today. School on Saturday is a normal thing in the Kenya school system, however it’s the end of a term, so things are winding down for them right now but they are wound up tighter than corkscrews! As I sit in the “silence” of my room, giggling, running, singing, screaming & shuffling flourish outside my door. Kids are kids; no matter what color their skin, or what country they live in! So far I think this job is not going to be that bad. It’s going to take a few days to feel like this is “home” instead of just work, like it has been for the last five months.
Elizabeth, one of our house staff and Agnus, one of the older girls, helped me clean my little “apartment” today, which was a much needed blessing. We threw away a bunch of junk that has been collecting in the small space since the first parents moved in, in 1992. (I think I am the fifth “parent” to live here since then!) They scrubbed & mopped for me as well, while I organized my things and the things I am in charge of as a parent. Greg came & picked me up around 2, so I could go home and take a shower, as there is no hot water available here. There is a hot water tank & a shower in my room, but the water heater is not functioning at the moment. We’ve put that on Kelly’s honey-do list for the home. (smile)
Now, on to what I was originally intending to write about… the children! They are so amusing to me—so precious, jovial, expressive, & beautiful. When I came back from my shower today I brought my laptop, so Agnus, Elizabeth & I proceeded to listen to my music and dance in my room. We got down with TobyMac, Paul Colman & Holding Out. Some of the younger girls joined us and I taught them the motions to Paul Colman’s song, “Run”. They caught on right away, as they LOVE to dance & sing. The Children’s Home choir is actually pretty talented… I’ve had dreams of taking them on the road, but that will have to wait for the moment. I think “Run” will be their next hit.
Living here is giving me a chance to see the true personalities of these children come out, and it is very interesting, especially to an analytical like myself. Agnus, for instance, I have noticed has a little problem with being bossy. I have already had to stick up for my choices about how to arrange my room, and ask her to not tell me what to do in the last twenty-four hours. If she is bossing me around, I can't imagine how she must treat the other girls, especially the younger ones. With the language barrier though, I can’t correct her behavior towards them directly because I never know what she is saying to them!
Three year old Amani is the youngest little tike at the home. He is absolutely adorable; all of the children love him, as well as the adults. He is sleeping in my room (on his own bed) and at about quarter to twelve last night I heard a thud and a short cry. In the 3 seconds it took me to get over to where he had landed on the floor, he was already asleep. Not much fazes this kid! Tonight he was holding a warm cup of chai, (Swahili for tea, so when you order a “chai tea latte” at Starbucks, you’re really ordering a tea tea… hehe!) standing near the front door and another child barreled around the corner and knocked his tea all over him. He cried for a minute, until he realized that he was ok, and then sat down and drank the rest of his tea in about 30 seconds. For a toddler, he sure LOVES his chai…but don’t worry he sleeps long & hard!
Then there’s Brenda. Brenda was brought to the Home by the police after her mother beat & severely burned her because she innocently asked her father one day why her other daddies brought her gifts and he didn’t. (Her mother, it turns out was selling herself to other men in the village behind her father’s back.) Brenda has a beautiful smile and an equally beautiful heart. She speaks English very well for her age (she’s about 9 or 10). She loves to sing and dance and make funny faces all the time. She is one of the girls who will just come up and stand close, which is more temptation than I can handle to wrap my arms around her & kiss the top of her head!
Before God called me to Kenya, I never in a million years would have guessed that I would work with an orphanage one day. Even after I got here, I would have never suspected that I would move in to the Home and live there for a while. What’s even more, I had never expected to feel such a passion for orphans, and supporting them in a better life like I have discovered here. In America, we are not forced to face orphans and widows like we are here in Africa. Being here has truly helped me discover the meaning of “pure & undefiled religion” (James 1:27). I am growing to understanding this verse better than ever before. As I grow closer to these children, I find myself closer to the heart of God.
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