Yesterday I hung out at my brother's Starbucks, waiting for a friend to call about an apartment. Here's what came to mind as I journaled:
Last night I was so tired-- so,so tired. I felt overwhelmed with everything. I was mad & sad, but mostly tired. I feel like I have been tired since I've been back- for the last 2 months- feeling disconnected, like I'm just floating with no purpose. My analytical mind wants to pick this apart and make sense of it all. One option could be that I, after a year of working extremely hard for a cause with a huge amount of purpose, am feeling a huge let down. Now that I think of it, that is probably exactly it. As I was coming home [from Africa] I thought a job at Starbucks was exactly what I needed- that was my way of letting down, finding a no brainer job & "relaxing". Aside from the point that a job at Sbucks will not pay the bills for me, between student loans, a car payment & insurance, I think that doing anything now that isn't remotely like what I did in Kenya will not be satisfying. I have affirmed (once again) my passion [and my calling] for serving others- so deep that I have to do it. No questions about it!
Now that I've established that, I just wish I could handle the transitions between my "serving" a little bit better. I do suppose, though, that this specific transition, by nature is destined to be more difficult. Too many differences to describe (between Africa & here) and even if I attempted, who could understand?
I believe the greatest gift of my faith so far has been that even in times like this, when everything feels unstable, even spiritually, I know that Jesus is still my rock- He is still here, in spite of me. And that is the most stability a girl could ask for! <3 ~A
PS- Update! I found a great apartment in Oregon City today, thanks to my great friends, Ryan & Meridith (Lundy) Foley! And I also had two very good job interviews- one w/the Boy's & Girl's Club, and one with an insurance brokerage. I'm awaiting more news from them in the coming days. Yeah! Thanks for your prayers!! :)
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"We do not truly see light, we only see slower things lit by it, so that for us light is on the edge--the last thing we know before things become too swift for us."
--C.S. Lewis, Out of the Silent Planet
Katie,
I had to re-read what I wrote so I could better relate your so deep quote to it... thanks! It's a good one. I love C.S. :)
1. Flip-flops are hard on the feet in the snow...
2. I know what you mean about missing goats...your Pa and I usually have a bunch of goats in our trucks, but people keep walking away with them...and not just old ladies at Starbucks either... In the end, there's only the two old goats that always seem to stay in the truck. So, the moral of the story is this: As you deal with the reverse culture shock of American society, don't let people walk away with your goat!
3. We are blessed with too much food in this country...what we need is a little more famine to make us realize how precious life is! So...no scones with that Latte'...just a few morsels of dark chocolate...
4. There are "missions" and many opportunities to serve others right here in our own backyard as well...and they're often neglected.
Keep on bloggin'!!! God Bless You! You write well!
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